I wrote this on July 20th of last year and never published it.
The day I decided what I'd do with myself in my immediate thoughts.
Bitter/sweet, just like all goodbyes.
I had a beautiful sun sent by my window, and I threw it all away for this --
for this adventure that can arbitrarily change my life.
I had the warmth of my mother's hugs and the comfort of my father's words,
I had all the protection from my brothers (Hugo, and Andrew),
along with the love (laughter, crazy jokes) and support of my sister and best friend.
And nothing, nothing compares to my Leo.
I am leaving it all for this. This.
It's not like I'm never going to see them again, for there are phone
connections, internets, and letters to keep them present -- but I feel like it shall
be somewhat of a while before I see them all (together, and constantly like I am used to).
But, alas, this had to be done.
Sooner or later, it had to be done.
New York City is not a place for the weak, or the stupid,
not a place for the languid and the thin of mind --
and like this, I've managed to adapt, live, and love this beautiful big bright city.
It will be my home forever. Where ever I'll go, I'll always keep my head held high,
when I say, "I'm from New York". This being true, I want to let this be a place where
nostalgically I remember my adventures, my loves, my disenchantments, my embarrassments, and
my life. It has come exactly to that, I want the ability to remember.
I want to be able to forget and miss this place, in order to re-find myself, redefine myself, and so on.
I want to see Korea, Japan, Scandinavia, (maybe Germany again), and finally return
to the beautiful, impeccable, distinguished, and romantic France. Exactly in that order too.
Maybe that's exactly what I'll do ... since apparently I've already planned it that way.
And since I've already taken the first step and left.
It must be so. The heart wants what the heart wants.